Hello world! way too perky…

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So what is this shit that they start me out with? It makes me look like the sunshine cheerleader on uppers…..which I’m not. I suppose it’s always assumed that they weblogger is a happy-go lucky person, well, I suppose it is always assumed that any person that one has not met is just happy and all that jazz, not true.

Unless of course, you wear a lot of black, have piercings, or any other insignia that might make you appear to be different. I’ve done it, I’m not innocent, I remember one time in particular, I was approached by a girl with bubble gum pink hair that had been in my french class the previous year. We were in the girl’s bathroom, and it ennerved me a bit. All she said was,

“You were in my french class last year, right?”

A bit taken aback, I replied quietly, “Yes.” A bit embaressed of my preconcieved notions. But, come to think of it, I don’t think any of the “nice” girls, which usual consist of the “popular” crowd (the real bitches) they will say ‘hi’ to you when there is no one else to talk to, but when their ‘real’ friends are there, they will completely ignore you.

You don’t judge people, I know it sounds very hypocritical, considering the subject of this post, but it’s not. I’m making observations, it’s happened to me. I wouldn’t make this up. These are some of the worst experiences of my life, I would never want these things to happen to me, nor would I invent them, because they were so traumatic. (ok, that was melodramatic, but you get the idea)

I don’t hang out with the popular people. I don’t hang out with the geeks. I suppose I’m a floater, I have a few really good friends, and then I just sort of do the ‘floaty dance’ around the groups, staying away from the popular crowd, who would reject me anyway, and yes, they did.

I’m not perky, I’m not a happy-go lucky person. I’m dark most of the time. I’ve realised as of late, that my coping mechanism is crawling into my darkest place and lingering there for a while, and then realising that I like it better in my bit of light. I’m a dancer, and I dance with my heart on my sleeve. We did a combination to a song that started. “I want to paint my face, and pretend that I am someone else.” And it was me. Sometimes I do pretend that I’m someone else, because I don’t like being me. I feel stuck.

~kikki

~ by yellowdancerkikki on 10 January 2007.